I sent him a short message- I received an invoice from Dr. Pediatrician for $589 for Littlest's well visit and shots. Please contact your insurance company and make sure he is covered. Follow up with Dr. Pediatrician with the info so the bill can get paid. (He was informed a while ago this child is not on his insurance plan. He obviously hadn't taken care of it so I was telling him to do it).
I will be scheduling all dental visits to happen while the kids are out for summer break. Are there any days you will be unavailable to take them?
Field Day is May 28 and 29. The little kids will have it the first day and I will try to take it off. I will be out of town on the second day (Middle Son's day). Are you able to be there?
His response was also short-
- I'll contact the insurance company again
- Make your own arrangements for appointments
- I plan to be at field day on May 29 and maybe May 28
So my nit pick of this one: the appointments are for our children. I am one parent, a working parent. I am doing my best to make sure the kids get the regular check-ups and cleanings. If there was just a single child or two, heck maybe even three or four, I could do all the appointments by myself. But! There are seven children! That's 28 appointments between well visits, vision, and dental. I have to take time off work to get them seen whereas he has open time on weekday afternoons that could be used for these things. I responded that I will schedule the children as the dentist is available over summer. Some of the dates might fall on weeks he has the children. I was simply asking in advance so none of the appointments would need to be rescheduled if they happened to be on days he couldn't take them. It would be nice if he could give me days of the week that do not work for him so I could avoid those. But no, that was asking too much.
Then there was the time Oldest Son asked for concert tickets for his birthday. He asked Adam if he could take him if I bought Oldest Son the ticket. Adam expected me to give him the cash for the ticket. Um, is he stupid? Why would I give him cash when he still owes me over $3,000 in child and spousal support, $300 for psych fees, and almost $100 for school fees?! It what world does it make sense that I give him money? I typed out a response telling him he is an asshat. Then I deleted it and sent "I ordered two tickets for the concert. I'll transfer them or print them up closer to showtime. You can reimburse me for your ticket when I transfer it." Much nicer, right? I thought so.
Adam also needed copies of the birth certificates. I reminded him that I sent him those last year so he should check his email. He said he didn't save it and needs the certificates for the insurance company. This was followed up by:
On another note, I'm trying to find a cheaper place to move that's close to the kids, but in a safe area. It's challenging. Would you be willing to sell me back the Josie house, and if so, for how much?
Holy shit, he did not! Oh but yes he did. I chose to ignore.
A few days later Adam out did himself. He really did. I sent an update on all the kids in an email because he hadn't given me back our handy dandy black communication folder. It was long but in writing so he could review.
"Littlest- His preK graduation is June 2nd @ 12pm.
Littlest Girl- Would like to do a free summer school program through school. I don't have the details because the flyer lacked the where, when , etc. If you would like to call the district and get the info, the program is called Summer Journey.
Little Girl- Does not want to do the summer program. Do you have any objection to her getting her hair cut/trimmed to help with the tangles? I don't want to get too much cut off because she likes her long hair but at the same time her curls make it painful when it is time to brush.
Both little girls have a school play coming up but I have not gotten any info on when.
Middle Son- Is struggling to get his work in for Ms. R's classes and his gifted class. I asked him what is going on and it sounds like he doesn't realize he can ask for help if he is confused. I told him that's what teachers do, they help kids learn.
Ms. Difficult Child- She lost her back pack. She has no clue where it could be. She has been breaking house rules and not coming home after school so she likely left it somewhere. She does not have many clothes at my house. Can you please send at least one pair of jeans ( or just have her wear them on Monday). She still has $35 due in school fees. She has her final choir recital May 18th, I think at 7pm.
Oldest Son- Wicked is on Saturday. I can pick him up from your house or he can meet me at Will-call. You will need to pick him up after the show, either from the theatre or my house.
Oldest-Needs $10 for second semester science lab fee.
At last check, all theatre kids wanted to audition for the summer show. Nothing has been announced on the website so they are just beginning to pick audition songs and practicing.
On May 23 I will be taking the kids for a day trip to PA, just letting you know since it will be out of state.
Finally, just a reminder, this is the week you have the kids for an extended time because I will be out of town. On Thursday and Friday, I will be reachable after 4pm. I would like to schedule a time to call the kids on Friday since it will have been a few days. What time would work?"
That is me keeping him in the loop even. He wanted to keep me in the loop...after the fact and with only one side of the story...
"- I put Littlest's graduation on my calendar.
- I can't do transportation for Littlest Girl's summer school program unless I can move to the city. I can't afford the driving.
- If Little Girl wants her hair cut she can get it cut. It's her hair to wear how she wants.
- I'l talk to Middle Son about turning things in, but that's an uphill road with these kids
- I'll send Ms. Difficult Child with clothes. She's moved most of her clothes here.
On that last note, I've been wanting to talk to you about something sensitive with the kids, but it's either never seemed appropriate or I wasn't sure how to bring it up without making you mad and having the kids get punished. Ms. Difficult Child confided in me that she's very much having a hard time with the strictness at your house and the feeling like she's trapped and has no control. Actually all the big kids have mentioned this, and the little kids to some extent. I don't want to tell you how to parent, but I would like it if my kids didn't feel like they are in jail. I want them to have a good relationship with you as they get older, and it's not pointing in that direction right now. I saw this thing start happening when we were married, and now I'm seeing it manifest itself.
I don't have any advice except that all people hate to feel controlled, and that with your personality, you tend to need to be in complete control of a situation or you punish people (either explicitly or with things like silence, which hurt even worse). The teenagers are people now and they want and need to be treated with respect, love, and interest. It's something to think about."
So our 8 yr old should be allowed to do whatever she wants with her hair because it is her hair? What about the fact that we, the parents, have to care for that hair? This reasoning he presents is stupid.
The last part just pisses me off. Ms. Difficult Child should feel she has no control! She had narcotics and bloodied razors! She is out of control if left to make decisions on her own! WTF is wrong with him?!
I actually followed up with all the kids. No one knows what the hell he is talking about. Even Ms. Difficult talked to me in detail (yes I was shocked). He is an idiot.
Later I pointed out that he never answered my question about calling the kids. He said I could call at six pm. It was nice talking to them because I missed them a lot.
On Saturday I got a text from Oldest Son asking if I could provide transportation to and from the show because Adam told him he cannot. I figured Adam was driving him to and from because that was another part of the email he did not actually discuss (probably because he was too busy telling me how to parent). I asked if he had worked out transportation. Adam commented he told Oldest Son I weas going to because somewhere in that email he read I was transporting. he obviously read something between lines that wasn't actually there. he added, "When you invite the kids to something it's expected that you transport them to and from that thing. " Did he forget this wasn't something I invited Oldest Son to but is a part of his theatre magnet at school? Yep, sounds like it! He closed with this lovely note: "If you send me 40 items on a list and I'm super busy, I'm probably going to miss a few. Don't be shitty about it." Where was I "shitty?" Did I say, Hey douchecanoe! Get your act together and do XYZ. No, I asked in a neutral way. He was the one being shitty.
About a week later I asked if I could swing by and pick up the puddle jumpers for swimming. He said he would message me later in the night when he got home. Then he never messaged me. Asshat.
