One of us is crazy and I'm pretty certain it isn't me.

I sent Adam a simple email: Would you like to exchange cash for Concert tickets when I bring Oldest over after her concert?  Do you want printed tickets or would you rather I see if I can just transfer the electronic tickets to you/Oldest Son?

I got a very long response.  Very. Long.

"Hey Heather, I'm going to send a check back with Oldest Son for the Concert ticket and some kind of installment payment on the tax thing.  I'll have to do my bills tonight to see what I can afford but it will probably be in the few hundred dollars range each month until it's paid off.  I'm finally (mostly) out of hot water with the IRS and the credit card companies and Bank holding Mortgage, so i can start to work on this.  I'm also going to call Little Kid School in a min to update my address and your phone number.  Mrs. Second Grade Teacher wants to accelerate Littlest Girl just in reading, so I'll talk to her about that tonight.  I'd like your thoughts on that too.
Heather, a second important thing, can we both start being nice to each other please?  I used to love the ever living fuck out of you.  Some days I still do.  When you're not doing really mean things and threatening or bossing me, I tend to like to do nice things for you and cooperate. I do still think about you all the time believe it or not.  I've hurt you deeply, and you've hurt me deeply, and that all sucks, but let's please not keep doing that over and over and over.  It's stupid and we're both at fault for making things this way.  The kids say you've been much better to them this week so now I'm pretty happy with you.  I love them and if you treat them good and just don't treat me badly, then I'll bend over backwards to help you.  Consider this please.  Thanks. Adam. "

Luckily, I was busy composing my response to the first half of this message before the second half arrived via text.  If I hadn't my laughter would have been too much for me to text anything!

"Please send cash for the ticket.  I am already aware of Mrs. Second Grade Teacher's desire to put Littlest Girl in a third grade class for reading.  I signed the consent to have her and Little Girl tested for advancement, same as the last two years. "

Then he moved to an email reply.  Good thing I was at my desk to switch between the two!

"Exchanging cash for tickets at the same time would work great rather than sending money with Oldest Son. Id like the printed tickets because lots of things can go wrong with electronic transferring (also it will have all ther pertinent information on it). I'd much prefer to use a check for the installment though just so I have a record of it. I can come by your house briefly tonight whenever you're home. Just let me know when is most convenient. "

More laughter ensued.  I shared the conversation with a work companion, aka my filter and Jiminy Cricket.  She was just as amused as me.  I believe her first response was, "What the...?!"

I did not respond.  I couldn't.  I mean what could I even respond with?!

I'm speechless

I emailed Adam some updates about the kids:

Littlest: He doesn't have any soccer practices/games until next Tuesday.  After the previous game, the coaches talked to the game about paying attention.  Over the long weekend, they were asked to practice the new top secret move as well as passing.

I don't know if you were contacted on Thursday by the bus depot but in case you were not, Littlest fell asleep on the bus and was left on.  Mom called the depot as soon as the three other kids got home.  I was called an hour after he should have been dropped off, after mom already had him.  The school has not updated my information and only has your name and number.

Littlest Girl: She has two loose teeth.

Little Girl: She has four loose teeth.

Middle Son: He has at least one loose tooth. He fell during gym and has a banged up ankle.  He said it isn't bothering him but the bruise looks nasty.

He has also been signed up for a mentoring program.

Ms. I Hate The World: She started cutting again, last time she was at your place over a weekend.  She said she doesn't remember why.  I've asked her to start writing down what is going on when she has an urge or does cut.  I spoke to Dr. Therapist about it and he said if she continues to make an appointment whether she agrees to it or not.  He said if she would rather see someone else he can give some referrals.

She auditioned for a high school choir on Thursday.

Oldest Son: He will participate in an extra class TTh from 315-530pm.  He'll get 1/2 credit.  The Death Cab for Cutie concert is in two weeks.

Oldest: She's going from twice a month with Dr. Therapist to once a month.  The Twenty One Pilots concert is in two weeks.

School Fees fees: I paid $140 for Ms. I Hate The World's Choir and $140 for Oldest Son's Theatre.  That leaves you covering all of Creative Writing:  $140 for Oldest, $70 for Oldest Son, and $70 for Ms. I Hate The World.

Oldest needs $10 for Spanish or $10 for Science.  Oldest Son had $20 paid for his make-up kit and still needs $10 for Spanish and $10 for Science.  Ms. I Hate The World paid $5 for a lab fee and $3 toward French, she still needs $7 more for French.

If you need to bring any of the children over on work day mornings please text or call so I have a heads up.  If I am not expecting them, I leave before 7:30am.

I have been in contact with USAA to inquire about the escrow account being closed.  I am not authorized to request this, you need to do it.  Please call their mortgage company and make the request.  If there is paperwork associated with it, I will fill it all out but you are the one that needs to begin the request.

He couldn't just respond to the email in a simple manner. Oh no. :

Please make sure the school has your name and number on file for emergencies. Please let me know what the ticket and travel arrangements will be for the Death Cab for Cutie concert and the Twenty One Pilots concert (if applicable). Usually I don't know about the kids needing to get something from your house until right then but I can text you if I'm on the way. I don't know what you're talking about with "the escrow account." Particularly which house, when, what happened, and what are you asking me to do. Please be more specific so I can understand.

I received a court summons stating that you carried out your threat of taking me to court for contempt from not giving you the refund (I never got). I now must afford a lawyer in addition to everything else to avoid jail time. You knew that I never had money to send you, and I told you as much. This was a very aggressive and cruel act on your part and it makes me sad for you that this is what you're like now. The appearance is that you value money, hatred, control, and revenge more than your children's wellness and happiness. And that's unfortunate. Obviously with law stuff, I'll have to wait and see about School fees. 

Please ensure Oldest Son and all of the other kids have all of their basic hygiene needs met. It is inappropriate to hide his toothbrush and deodorant because he didn't clean his room (or any other arbitrary reason). He's an adolescent and those are essential items. The kids have basic rights as humans, and you've been overstepping them. I've been bringing him more deodorant each time. He was embarrassed to ask because it's humiliating to him. That parenting behavior is unacceptable no matter what your reasoning is, and whatever nice things you might do for him don't offset that. 

Ms. I Hate The World has showed up having cut herself at your house without exception every time she has come to visit. I ask her and we've talked about them. People that cut do so in order to have something that they can control, so if she's in a situation where she doesn't feel like she has any control over anything, we need to change that. I recommend she see someone else besides Dr. Therapist because she's already said she doesn't feel comfortable talking with him. I would also like for her to come live with me full-time, for her own safety and wellness. This has gotten out of hand and we need to do something dramatically different. 

I would also like for Oldest to come live with me. She is incredibly depressed at your house and both her and Ms. I hate The World have asked (individually) numerous times that I let them move in. Teenagers are hard, and I understand that there may be things between you and your girls that I don't understand, but I want to respect their wishes and give them a safe and happy environment to live their teenage years. You might need some space in order to develop the kind of relationship you wanted with them. 

In general, when the kids have seen you act aggressively (toward me and toward them) it hurts them. They need to be able to trust their mother. They unload on me about these kinds of things every time they come over. Because of your behavior and many of the hurtful things you've said to the kids, all of them at some point have said they want to live with me, but especially the teenagers. I'm not saying this to be hurtful, but to open a discussion about how this situation can be improved. Over the last two years, you have done many things to damage my kids'  relationship with their mom in ways that might not be able to be repaired. It was important to me when we separated that we both kept parenting the way we previously were in love, respect, and kindness. Somehow, your focus has entirely shifted to anger, retribution, and making sure I "learn my lesson." If this is what you were like then, I was completely blind to it. Adolescence is a critical time for them, and I want you to be the kind of mom for them that both of us needed when we were teenagers. Providing a little more space to breathe between you and the girls might be necessary. To you it might feel like you're just reacting, but to everyone else, your behavior seems like extreme cruelty. The cruel treatment that I've seen personally and that the kids have described to me is emotionally abusive parenting. Emotional abuse is a real thing, whether you want to acknowledge that it is or not. Even if you don't think you are doing it, you are absolutely doing it and it's obvious to everyone but you. That's a statement of fact from many people that have met you, and not just my interpretation. 

If you would like to have a discussion with me about this and about proper boundaries, I'm willing to have that discussion with you even though I expect it will be painful. I'd like to have that in isolation of every other argument we have between us though. I know you have the capability to be a good parent and even a good co-parent, but for some reason I don't understand, you've chosen not to time and time again. You need some sort of support or some sort of space, and the kids need to feel they can trust you and love you. Right now they don't and I want to help correct that. 

Thanks

Adam 

Somebody fix this for me.  I'm just so tired of it.  I am a good mother.  I am strict, yes.  But I love and I help them, too.  And I am there for them and try to help Adam to be there for them too.  All I can think is, where the fuck was he when Ms. I Hate The World wrote a suicide plan?!  Where was he when she was in the ER getting a psych evaluation?!  Where was he when I worried she was going to end her life?!  He was absent.  He was neglecting her when she needed him.  And then, recently, he posted that bullshit on Facebook for the kids to see.  How is that not detrimental to them?  After everything he has done in the last 18 months, how is he the better parent? The better co-parent?  The better person? Somebody explain this to me, please.