Contempt Consequences

At some point in the past few weeks, Adam texted Gary's ex-wife telling her his children told him I am abusing her two boys.  Thankfully, she gave Gary the benefit of the doubt, and thus me.  She told him she was upset but realized he wouldn't stand for someone hurting the boys.  I am thankful to her.  She also talked to the boys and they denied any form of abuse.  I talked to my seven who had no idea what Adam was talking about.

On Monday, Adam was served with the contempt papers.  He took it as well as could be expected.  My aunt called to let my mom know Adam had posted something on Facebook that I should know about.  I won't lie, I logged on to one of the kids' accounts to see it.  I logged in hoping he had the decency to customize the post but expecting he hadn't.  He gave me what I expected:

"I usually take the high road and rarely vent, but I feel like it today. Heather is taking me to court again. This time to compel me to give her 50% of a refund I didn't receive, or else I will go to jail. She takes an obscene amount of money from me each month, and has even stolen thousands more, but it's still never enough.

Because I am a dick, I'll also take this opportunity to share with everyone that she is an abuser. She was and is emotionally and verbally abusive to me and my kids (and now even her boyfriend's kids). I was ashamed of that for years, and didn't tell anyone. It all leaked out into my music though if you've ever listened to my old stuff. That's why I can't even play those songs anymore.

Back then, I thought if I tried harder, did more, acted kinder, or treated her better, something somehow could make her happy. It didn't, it doesn't, and it never will. She even works in child services now, which just blows my mind. One of her first actions on becoming a mandatory reporter was to steal the kids from my home and threaten to use her power to take them away from me permanently.

I'm sharing all this because I feel like someone else is probably in a situation where they need to hear that things get way better when you leave. When I realized this (and learned what BPD was), it was like a light came on, and I suddenly didn't feel crazy anymore. My life changed instantly and it's like I was released from prison. I feel like a new person, and now I feel awesome every single day. 😎

Even with the random court actions, thefts, child abductions, forced poverty, and threats, I love my life and I love my freedom. And my kids love having a safe place where they can be themselves without being punished all the time for arbitrary nonsense.

Also, I'm not bitter anymore, but I still can't recommend marriage as a smart life choice for any young man. Relationships are great and all, but there's no other kind of legal contract on Earth that you'll have so little information about before you sign. And they never show you this part when you're 19.

If you feel like you're in a similar situation, and want advice or want to vent, hit me up privately and I'll educate you.

Love you guys!"

It total, 68 people liked his post and 30 people commented their sympathy, concerns, and joined in on the bashing.  Not one of them called him out.  Not one of them questioned his logic of posting this where his children can see.  Not one of them asked why the hell he hasn't stepped in to protect them. if he truly feels they are being abused.  No one stepped in!  

It is taking a tremendous amount of self control to not use my child's Facebook account to post a link to this blog.  It is taking even more self control to not march to his house and yell and scream at him. It took every last ounce of control to not tell the children my full side of the story.  I did pull the three oldest together after the youngest were asleep.  The two oldest had seen the post.  We discussed just a few topics that are contradicted by the divorce decree and parenting plan.  They asked questioned and pointed out inconsistencies in his post and things he has told them.  We discussed budgeting and good financial decision making.  I asked that if they had questions to respect me and trust me enough to talk to me.  I told them I don't want to frame daddy as a bad guy but I want, and need, them to understand there are two sides to every story.  

I am sad for the kids.  I'm sad that we had that conversation.  I'm sad to hear about the poor parenting decisions Adam makes such as not having a girlfriend but bringing women around the children, frequently.  

And yeah, I'm sad for me.  I'm sad that I am stuck in this cycle.  I'm sad that most every day I walk this nightmare alone and feel powerless.  I'm sad to think it will never end.