The summer break has ended. The big event of the summer was the children performing in a concert event. Look back through the blog to about a year ago, same concert event. Luckily, this year went a bit better. Adam did not show up with some strange woman: he came with his brother and Oldest Son and Littlest. I came with Gary. Out of 1000+ seats in that entire theatre, would you believe Gary and I had the two seats in front of Adam? True story.
It was moderately awkward when we walked to our seats but I was happy to see the boys since it had been nearly a week (it was Adam's parenting time). Littlest leaned over and talked with Gary and he gave me a hug. The show was good. At the end of the show I was able to see all the children. Littlest glued himself to me. Gary took pictures of the performers which apparently reminded Adam that perhaps he should also take pictures of his own children. When it was time to leave, Adam directed the older kids to leave but didn't bother to allow them time to hug me or even say goodbye. I handed Littlest over when I realized what was going on. Adam said nothing, just took Littlest and walked away.
*Side note: my grandmother, an amazing woman that I loved dearly died the week before. I emailed Adam to let him know and my mom had also informed him. I didn't expect condolences but he never bothered to check how the children were handling this loss. His lack of compassion on how he handled that and then to not even let me say goodbye to the children this night shows how cold he is becoming.
Fast forward to last night. Adam's parenting time was extended the last week of summer break because I had training out of the area. I got the children back on Oldest Son's birthday around 9pm. We got home and did the birth story tradition. Around 10pm, Little One announces she was hungry and hadn't eaten dinner. I questioned everyone and learned Adam did not feed them. Oldest started to make an excuse for this lack of parenting. She said "Daddy got home late from soccer and we only just had time for birthday cake." I had to pull back her reasoning. I told her to look at the situation. He chose to stay late at the park. He also chose to not inform me leaving me unaware of the need. Oldest joked, "But you said parents only need to feed their kids once a day." Legally, yes this is true. Before I could form my response, Oldest Son said, "That's the minimum they need to do."
The sorrow in his voice went straight to my heart. Oldest Son is starting to see what I already know. I need the children to see their father for what he is but I sure do wish they didn't. I need them to not excuse him, I need them to not do what I did for 14 years. I wish this need didn't exist. I wish they could always believe and know he was a good guy with their best interest at heart. I wish but I'm realistic.
The next day was one of those moments that hit home even more what the children have to look forward to with Adam, and it came with a guilty conscience for me. I came home and the house was messy, the kids had spent their last day of summer break making messes and lounging. I lectured and chewed them out. Then I got hold of Oldest Son's phone and saw some text messages between him and Adam. The texts were over the span of a week and included Adam telling Oldest Son to make dinner, clean up, make sure kids get to bed. Basically, Adam was having Oldest Son fill the role I had been in for 14 years as the stay-at-home parent. It was like seeing what was handed to me placed on my son that is so willing and ready to help and take the blame when he can't do everything. Adam wasn't just relying on Oldest Son during the work day, it was in the middle of the night as well, you know, so Adam could play shows.
Two texts stood out in an alarming way. The first was Oldest Son asking when Adam would be home. The reply was something about "on payday." Not a time but a day. The worst was Adam's "God damn it!" in response to Oldest Son not cleaning or cooking or something that is more an adult responsibility. I took a moment after reading the rest of the messages. Then I went to Oldest Son's room. I apologized and said it had dawned on me that he has a lot of responsibilities on him in both homes but not often does he get the opportunity to be a kid. I thanked him for doing what he could to help out this summer. I thanked him for being responsible and trustworthy.
Something else was brought to my attention last night. Well, a few somethings. First, Adam posted on Facebook about the concert and sitting behind us. His brother commented that he did his part to ruin the show for Gary and I by blocking the light whenever we tried to look at our programs. Adam mentioned his disgust with us being in front of him. Another person stated Gary must have been so nervous having Adam behind him. We weren't nervous, we saw the humor in the moment. And after reading the post I also saw the lack of insight Adam has because this post and all the comments were visible to the four oldest children on his friends' list. Adam can bad mouth me all he wants but he needs to recognize how harmful it is to do it around the children. He also needs to accept they are beginning to bond with Gary. This is not a person that will go away anytime soon. This is a person nurturing the children and when Adam makes his disgust so obvious that hurts the children.
The other fun little bits I learned: Adam is getting a motorcycle. Adam has a new tattoo. Adam is smoking.
Adam apparently is no longer all that hard up for money.
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