In Hindsight

Jan. 15, 2015

The work day was coming to a close when I got a text from a friend asking if I would be at the choir recital.  I had no idea there was a recital.  I asked what time it started and was told I had about 90 minutes.  I had just pulled up in front of a client's house and knew it would take at least an hour for the meeting.  Luckily, the friend was on top of things and went to my house and got Ms. Middle Child ready and to the school.  I texted Adam letting him know I was far away and the recital was soon.  I added that I didn't know about the recital and wasn't sure if he knew.  He texted back that he was headed there.  I finished my meeting and raced to the school.
I got to the recital before Adam.
Ms. Middle Child later told me she had told Adam but he told her he had a lot of things to do and wouldn't be coming.  That poor child thought neither parent would be there.  I cannot imagine 1. How she must have felt at her first performance without a mommy or daddy hug and a "Good luck," 2. How she must have felt being told by her father that she wasn't a top priority.

Jan. 16, 2015

The day started by my asking about the parenting schedule.  I finally saw the agreement and realized I had goofed.  I asked if he wanted a day off to make up for having an extra day.  I also said it looked like he had MLK from 9am-9pm.  We basically figured things out, basically.  Adam said the only issue was his parenting time every other Wednesday that started at the end of the school day.  He said he didn't yet know how that was going to be workable because he was committed to meetings each Wednesday afternoon.  He asked if I had a reason that picking them up from school was included in the agreement.  He obviously wasn't paying attention when I told him I didn't write that schedule but his attorney did.  I told him I wasn't the one that required the pick up.  He said he wasn't either and he was happy with the 6pm pick up.  Maybe he should have mentioned that AT COURT!

I did not continue the earlier conversation but when I got home the younger girls had trophies for 4.0s so I texted Adam a picture of them holding the trophies.  I also added that I got the mortgage interest statement for both houses and asked if he wanted me to start entering info into  for the tax return or just give him the documents. He said to go ahead and enter the info.  He also said to enter anything I can to for deductions.
Adam said "Also if it was my attorney that wrote the agreement, then I'm sorry for griping at you.  I thought you had tried to spring all the changes on me for some unknown reason, which was frustrating to me.  Divorce day was the first time I'd seen it and I was very irritated, especially when I felt like you'd been making progress with being nicer."
I reminded him that I already told him his attorney wrote it.  The day of the divorce was my first day seeing it all as well.  His attorney was suppose to write the divorce decree prior to that day as well.  Adam's response was, "Shoulda called Saul."  No asshat, you shouldn't have been passive with the process.  You should have been talking to your attorney.  You, not anyone else.  You are to blame.  And joking about it is immature.

Jan. 17, 2015

I reminded Adam in a text that he is responsible for 1/2 the school fees, $280.  I have $40 left to pay on my half.  I also let him know Oldest Son needs to see a professional performance for his Theatre magnet.  I picked Wicked because he has wanted to see that since he was like 7.  I let Adam know I would get the cheapest seat possible.  I'll let him know his portion after the ticket is purchased.

Jan. 21, 2015

Adam will be picking the kids up after school this week.  I called the school to let them know.  I let Adam know and he said he won't be able to pick the kids up until after 6pm on his Wednesdays.

Jan. 22, 2015

I asked if Adam had someone in mind that could pick the kids up.

Jan. 23, 2015

He said, "No," to that question posed yesterday. I asked that he let me know when he came up with someone and I would fill out the paperwork at the school.  I thought this was helpful, apparently I was wrong because he responded with," My recommendation is that we modify the parenting agreement so it has us carrying out the 6pm pick up schedule that we had for my Wednesdays and Fridays.  Also, please don't speak on my behalf to the school or anywhere else.  I explicitly do not permit it.  That actually is pretty offensive to me. "  I said I was trying to help and didn't mean to be offensive.  I said if we modify the agreement the support will increase because the deviation was based on adam having the children more often.

He did not respond.  I would have continued my own response but I know better.  What he is saying is he has work and doesn't want to inconvenience himself with figuring out how to be responsible for the children until he is off work.  he wants to transfer the problem to me.  No.  I figure out childcare the majority of the time he can do it for one day every other week.