There are moments in parenting that I wish I never had to live through. Today was one of those. It would have sucked if Adam and I were happily married and it would have sucked if we were in a cooperative co-parenting relationship. It was difficult and nothing would have changed it...for me.
I do random checks of the kids phones. I check what they are googling and I scan text messages. I figure it is the kind of thing s responsible parent does in this day and age. I also figure it is the kind of thing a responsible parent does when they have a child like Ms. Middle Child, a child that has already shown a lack of control or concern for internet safety.
Well, tonight I found the kid of things a parent dreads finding. There were texts (not sexting) to men. She was on dating websites. She was also discussing self harming and suicidal thoughts. Working in my line of work I take this seriously, very seriously. Since Adam asked that I never contact him again and blocked me, I asked Oldest Son to text him letting him know I needed to talk to him about Ms. Middle Child. Adam responded that it was not Oldest Son's job to pass messages, his job was to be a kid. He added that Ms. Middle Child would be fine and don't worry. he said all this not knowing what was going on. Oldest Son let Adam know Ms. Middle Child had her phone taken away. Adam said he would text her. He isn't paying attention!
Adam did not contact me. He did not call, text, email, or come by the house. He did nothing. And since I had Ms. Middle Child's phone I can also say he did not try to contact her either.
Oldest, Oldest Son, and myself spent the night in the living watching Ms. Middle Child. We were all scared she would do something. It was a sleepless night.
Jan. 30, 2015
After some thinking, I emailed Adam. I gave him the opportunity to reach out and he didn't so screw his "Don't ever contact me" comment. Ms. Middle Child and I stayed home. I took a sick day and scheduled a visit with the pediatrician. The elementary school called me (Ms. Middle Child's previous school) first thing in the morning saying they had gotten reports from students that she was going to commit suicide and was home alone. I got another call from Ms. Middle Child's school with similar info. I let them know I was with her and we had a doctor's appointment. I emailed all this info to Adam. I let him know the time of the appointment: I figured he could come if he wanted. I got no response.
Fast forward to the appointment. I saw cuts all over my child's arms and legs. I saw a child that thought it was no big deal and refused to talk. The pediatrician sent us directly for a psych eval. I really said screw it to Adam's no contact and asked Ms. Middle Child if she knew his phone number. I called and it went straight to voicemail-he had blocked my calls. I left a message letting him know what was going on. I gave him the number of where we were going. I asked that he either relieve mom of the other children or come to the hospital. He did neither. He also did not call, text, or email. So I sat with my child, scared of how I would help her through this. Wondering what she was thinking knowing her father wasn't there. I watched her get checked for weapons and this sweet little girl clueless as to why they thought she would have a weapon. I sat holding her hand as she cried through the evaluation not knowing how to answer the questions, feeling ashamed and in trouble. I held her and told her I wished my mommy kisses and hugs could fix it all. I held her hand and said I would be with her. I wanted her to know I would be there and love her every step of the way and nothing she had admitted to, or written down would change that.
I don't need Adam here for me, I need him here for her. I need him to get his head out of his ass and drop the pity party so he can be there for this child.
January 30, 2015
Dear Mr. Attorney,
Disclaimer- if the information I provide in this email is not important to let you know please tell me.
I took my 11 yr old to her pediatrician yesterday to discuss self harming and other mental health concerns. I made Adam aware of the issue the night prior. I then emailed him the time of the appointment as soon as it was scheduled. He received the messages and replied, "thanks." Our daughter was sent from the pediatrician directly to Liberty Campus Psych for an evaluation. I called Adam directly and left a voicemail informing him of what was going on. He did not call back, he did not email, he did not text. He did not come to the hospital. He was not there at all. He was told his daughter is cutting herself and was being set to the hospital and he did nothing. He is not a parent. He is many things that are inappropriate to say or type but he is not a parent. How much of this type of behavior along with him putting gauges in kids' ears do I put up with before I file for full custody?
Mr. Attorney responded that these matters were very concerning and to schedule a meeting with him ASAP to discuss going back to court for custody.
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