Oldest told me she is pissed at Adam. I asked why. She said it was because kid from school have asked how Ms. Middle Child is doing but Adam hasn't. Oldest said she is pissed at him for not caring when kids that don't even know Ms. Middle child care. I told her I hate that she is aware of his lack of caring but I am also a little relieved that she is aware.
I still haven't heard anything from Adam. Apparently he did contact Oldest Son asking how she was doing. I guess it is okay for Adam to use the children to inquire about the other children but it is wrong of me to use them to ask him to contact me. How does that work? Oh yeah, cause he plays by two sets of rules.
I did get an email from Adam, it was a forward of an e-bill.
I emailed him "You never informed me whether you would be taking the children to the dental appointments you scheduled. Mom will need to know if she is getting them from the bus. I would also appreciate knowing who will be picking them up after school tomorrow.
Ms. Middle Child has a doctor's appointment on Friday at 5pm. I will bring her to your house when it is over unless you would rather pick her up from the appointment.
If you have any questions I will be in the office later this morning. "
I got the following response: "I never scheduled the kids for any dental appointments, you assumed I did. I told the dental clinic to contact you to manage their appointments because you have primary physical custody. You can call them to verify this. By the way, my dental insurance is Delta Dental of Ohio, not Anthem / Empire / Blue Cross. The vision plan is VSP.
I'm picking the kids up from school tomorrow because you haven't changed the pickup time back to how it was working.
Bring Ms. Middle Child to my house when she's done with her appointment.
Have your lawyer send the divorce paperwork back to my lawyer. It's been almost a month. Wells Fargo needs a divorce decree ASAP or you and I both will have a foreclosure on our credit.
It's grossly inappropriate to use the kids to pass messages to me or get them involved in arguments between you and I. Look up "parentification." Also look up "parallel parenting." The kids need the freedom to just be kids and to not be involved in hostility between their parents.
Just so I'm clear about it: My policy is that I'm refusing to respond to hostile, hateful, accusing, aggressive, or baiting messages, so don't send those types of messages if you want a response from me. I am not interested in keeping any type of fight going. I'd rather have no contact with you than to have the high-conflict exchanges we've been having. If you ever haven't gotten a response from me, or don't get a response from me in the future, assume that I considered one or more of your e-mails or actions aggressive and will not respond. If you would like a better way to communicate, there is a website called ourfamilywizard.com that will allow us and the kids to keep shared information and communicate without allowing hostile exchanges. I can't afford it right now, but it may be a good resource for the future.
*I will let you, the reader, hypothetically respond to this email from Adam. My initial response was an email to my attorney. His response was that the papers were sent back to Adam's attorney last week and "His response is unfortunate." I bit my tongue, nearly off, and simply responded back to Adam that his attorney was given the papers on 1/21/15. He did not apologize but did say thanks. Feb. 4, 2015
The children are at Adam's. I got a text from Oldest Son. Ms. Middle Child is planning on inviting her friend, Jay, over for a sleepover. Oldest Son wants to know what to do. I asked if he talked to Adam about his concerns. Oldest Son said he had talked to Adam. Oldest Son and Oldest will just go to another friend's house.
*Back story for this entry. Ms. Middle Child's friend, Jay, has Oldest Son "creeped out." She takes photos of him at school. We also found texts on Ms. Middle Child's phone from Jay asking for semi nude pictures of Oldest Son. She also texted, "I want to rape your brother." Ms. Middle Child has had Jay over to Adam's before. During that visit she would sneak photos of Oldest Son from around corners or from the second story of the house.
Feb. 6, 2015
I had a family meeting with the kids about Oldest Son's concern. Ms. Middle Child thinks it is unfair that we are asking her to not invite Jay over. I asked how she would feel if we invited her bully over. She said Oldest Son can just stay in his room. I told her he shouldn't have to hide and he shouldn't feel unsafe in his own home. I asked that she respect him and try to understand his concern. She was, to put it lightly, resistant. I asked Oldest Son what Adam had said when he talked to him about it. Oldest Son said Ms. Middle Child and Adam were planning a sleepover when Oldest Son asked that Jay not be invited. he listed his reasons and Adam replied, "Awe, Oldest Son was a stalker." I asked Oldest Son how that made him feel. He said he felt like daddy was brushing his concerns aside. I said it did sound that way. Later, I pulled Oldest and Oldest Son into another room and told them if they ever felt unsafe for any reason, they can call me. If they ultimately want to go to another friend's house, fine, but they call me and I will come get them. I followed this up with an email to Adam telling him of the situation and I told him, yes, I told him do not brush these concerns aside.
Feb. 11, 2015
Adam sent me another email but not about Ms. Middle Child. He asked for the log in info for TurboTax. I replied that it was the same as last year unless he changed it when he filed.
I also sent him this: The copays for Ms. Middle Child’s appointments over the last three weeks total $130 (Pediatrician copay $20, ER copay $70, therapy copay x2- $20). I have covered these copays in full. According to the child support orders, all fees associated with psychological care are split along the 65%/35% and do not require me to cover the first $100. Your portion, up to now, is $84.50. She will be seeing the therapist once a week and the copays are $20. You are responsible for $13 of that amount. Would you like to pay that directly to the therapist’s office or reimburse me each week?
Feb. 12 2015
Adam responded to that last email that he will pay the therapist directly and said to have the therapist bill him. Wouldn't that mean me talking to someone on his behalf. Didn't he say not to do that just a few days ago? I asked how he would like to handle the amount I already paid. No response as of yet.
I would just like to add: he is an asshat.
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