Dating, lots of dating

February 3, 2014

Adam took the day off work because I had the first in person meeting with Gary.  Adam asked that I text him periodically so he would know I was safe.  Is this an example of irony or just hypocrisy?

Gary and I sat at Starbucks for a few hours and chatted.  Then we went to Panera for real food.  We enjoyed each other’s company a lot.  We decided to continue on and let the friendship move forward as it will. 

Adam said he was excited for me.  I’m glad he wasn’t unsettled.

February 4, 2014

Adam is at a conference.  He texted to say he loves me.

“More than you know. And I'm not just saying that, I'm saying that you will never be able to know how much I love you until I can show it in the way that makes you feel it. But I will.”

Next up for the day is another date for him. It’s not really a date.  The girl is someone he met when he moved out last year.  She is not interested in being part of an open marriage.  She sees Adam as a friend and doesn’t want anything beyond that.  But Adam likes her, a lot.  I tried to tell him that he might like her as a dating option but she isn't interested in being part of an open marriage relationship. He said he still wants to make a good impression. 

I said, You can make a good impression but that doesn't mean she'll change her mind. I'm worried your expectations of her changing her mind is going to make you feel bad. Even if you aren't conscious of wanting her to change her mind.

He said maybe. But claims to have no expectations of her. He’s “learning to trust and not control here.” He said it’s hard to do.   He is giving her all the say. He told her that he likes her, but that he’s happy to just be friends because he values talking to her. Even if she's not interested in a relationship, he wants her to at least like him.  I pointed out that she does like him, thus the reason she chats with him.

*A "" denotes Adam's actual words from a text or email.  I paraphrase a lot but not always. * 

February 7, 2014

Adam had another date but with a different person.  He stayed out until 4am.

February 8, 2014

My first big date with Gary.  We met for brunch at Yummy Brunch Café.  Then we went to the Art institute and a coffee house. While we were at the coffee house, Adam came by and moved the car.  Feels a bit stalkerish.

We followed up by going to Gary's house for a Doctor Who marathon.  After a couple hours things progressed to sex.  I made a huge mistake and broke a rule but didn’t realize it until I was driving home and talking to Adam on the phone.  He asked if we used a condom.  Right then I realized we didn’t and I chose to lie rather than have Adam be mad at me.  It was a big mistake.  

*And now for a brief intermission from past events in order to explain something.  I should have been honest with my husband.  I chose not to because I didn't want to get in trouble.  Now ask yourself, what kind of adult thinks like that?  First thought would be an adult with no integrity.  I agree.  Now ask, why do people fear? Why do grown adults fear making someone angry and getting in trouble?  Is it simply because it isn't fun or is it because there is something to actually fear?  Something along the lines of, oh say, abuse?  Hm, possibly.  

I never claimed I wouldn't plant seeds so let's just put it out there, I planted a seed with that last question.  I could have made more of an effort at some foreshadowing but I'm lazy tonight.