May 7, 2014
I’m trying
to plan ahead for when I start working.
The biggest concern is childcare for littlest. I realized I will need to pay for the first
month in advance and asked Adam if I could use money from savings for it. He said he would need more details about the
costs. Um, your child needs care while
his mother is at work. The costs are
what they will be. I figure I need to
pull money for the first month and after that we can split the cost. I called around and found a place for about
$500 a month.
Littlest had a
mud party. Sent Adam a picture. I also fixed the dye job Adam did on
the oldest's hair. He said he was going to
fix it, he didn’t tell me that. In the
mean time our child was uncomfortable walking around with half her hair
bleached/dyed.
May 8, 2014
Adam kept littlest this morning while I had my iron infusion. He asked if I could pick him up earlier than
I told him I would because he had a meeting.
I asked them to push the infusion faster than usual but I wasn’t able to
get to Adam’s until 11:30 ish. I
tried.
May 9, 2014
Littlest wanted to have lunch with Adam. I
figured I would grocery shop while they ate.
First the lady in front of me wanted to argue her EBT amount with the
cashier, then one of my grocery bags fell apart in the parking lot, then there
was a traffic jam. I ended up being 15
or so minutes late picking littlest up. I
felt bad and apologized.
May 14, 2014
I offered
to let Adam come have dinner with the kids and do bedtime routines. I’ll prep a dinner and then leave the
house. He said he appreciates it. I figure letting him visit the kids midweek
here at the house gives them more time since they don’t need to travel and he
can put them to bed.
May 16, 2014
I
transferred my weekly allowance from savings.
I am not going to assume Adam is neglecting transferring me money but instead figure he was just
busy packing for his trip or driving and hasn’t had time. I asked that instead of transferring the
money to the joint checking he transfer it to the joint savings to make up for
what I took out. He did not.
May 21, 2014
The STEM high school orientation was tonight! With Adam out of town I kept him in the loop
and texted him info during the talks. I
hope it was more informative than annoying.
May 22, 2014
Just found out Adam is not getting back into town until
Friday night then leaving again Saturday.
He’ll pick the kids up early Sunday morning. I thought he was coming back Saturday
night. He asked the other singer int he band when they will be
getting back and said late Saturday so Sunday works better. So it sounds to me that I am being used as a
babysitter while Adam records his album.
I am not complaining about having more time with my children, it would
just be nice to be asked; especially when it is for a personal reason Adam is
missing his parenting time. Realizing
the increased need in food for the weekend the following conversation occurred:
Me: “Will you be
able to transfer my weekly allowance this week or should I transfer it from
savings? Also, I figured your grocery budget allows for $2.14 a meal, I have
taken on 84 of those meals (7 for last Friday, 21 for last Saturday, 21 for
last Sunday, 7 for this Friday, 21 for this Saturday, and 7 for this Sunday),
which comes to $179.76: please add this amount to my allowance this week. I
won't worry about getting paid for the groceries I purchased while you recorded
a few weeks ago.”
Adam: “Your grocery
budget is already 200 dollars higher than mine per month, but I have the same
number of meals to provide. Take an extra 100 from savings, but realize we've
been eating ramen and cheap hamburger meat so you can eat better during the
school week. Also, realize I don't have the opportunity to supplement my income
with a job. When my money is gone, I don't eat.”
Me: “I provide 9
more meals a week and while that doesn't seem like a lot it is because it is
mostly dinner. We eat better because I have started shopping only at Aldi, the
food feeds the kids and I eat whatever is left. When my allowance or food is
gone I go hungry. You have access to any money leftover from the utility budget
items. But, since you think my request is unfair, never mind. Would you like me
to also take $50 less per week so I get the same grocery budget?”
He never responded
to that tantrum of mine.
May 23, 2014
Adam is on
a business trip so I made sure to send him updates throughout the elementary school's field
day. Our fourth grader did great! He won a relay and scored some runs in
kickball.
I also sent him videos of the girls’ music showcase at
school.
May 27, 2014
Littlest has a
rash. Adam said a friend had poison ivy
this weekend and they were at her house.
Ugh. Hopefully it clears up and
is something simple like heat rash.
First son got
into the theatre magnet at school. This
brings Adam and I each paying $245 for this school.
Unless Second daughter is her normal awesomeness and also gets a second magnet,
then we each pay $280.
May 28, 2014
I am tired
of these bad days. I am getting worn
out.
Little girl came home from school and in her backpack was an “invitation” to kindergarten
graduation. I knew it was coming up but
was waiting for the teacher to send the info home. I texted Adam the info immediately and he
said it would be amazing if I would tell him about really important things a
tiny bit more in advance. I told him she
just brought the info home.
This is
better pasted and copied straight from the texts.
Adam: “There was also a talent show, a play,
multiple parent teacher conferences, and a science thing, all of which
you told me about maybe 30 minutes before. Then there's you coming back 30
minutes late each time I've taken care of littlest. You don't need to act like
that to prove a point. I was not the husband you needed. I get it. I was needy
and you didn't respect me. Okay. You've moved on and have a happy loving
relationship, and I don't. I may never. It's still all really fucking sad and
most times unbelievably hard to handle. I don't need this passive aggressive
stuff on top of it. So please give me some advance notice so I can still be a
parent to my kids.”
Me: “You were out
of town for the talent showcase. Yes, I goofed about telling you about the play
before the day of but I am a little busy. You missed out on one parent teacher
conference that I also almost missed because I forgot about. The science
thing lasted all of five minutes and was just her showing me a board game she made,
sorry you missed out on that. If being in the know about school stuff is so
important you could have called or emailed the teachers and asked to receive
updates. It is not my responsibility. And please stop suggesting all of this is
so easy for me and you are the only one negatively impacted.”
Adam: “It's pretty
hard having me take care of you without having to do anything for me in return.
Must be really difficult.”
I put my life on hold so he could go
to school. I waited. Not him. I figured out how to juggle school and be a
mom and wife. I wasn’t always perfect in
all of that but I was sure as hell better than he was. When he was in school he would hide away in
his office and leave the kids and me.
The term “AFIT widow” doesn't come from nowhere. I don’t see him taking care of me now as
unearned by me. And yes, he is providing
for us financially, but what about everything he is taking from me by sending
these kinds of texts?
After a
breather I responded to Adam.
Me: “I think we
would both have an easier time of getting over these negative feelings if there
were some closure. When are you available to work on the dissolution together?
Or have you and your lawyer already finished it?”
Adam: “I got an
advance copy of the agreement the other day with some questions, and he fucked
a lot of it up. I think he's trying to get all he can out of my retainer. Let
me get back with you as to when I can meet.”
Me: “It would be
nice to have some advance notice of what the agreement looks like at this
point.”
Adam: “it looks
like a damn mess. When it looks closer to the stuff we verbally agreed on, I'll
send it to you so you can provide your inputs.”
Me: “I don't care
if it is a mess. I am interested in the rough draft as much as the final.”
To which he
responded with blurry not centered pictures of each page of the papers his
lawyer sent him. I could only read half
of it. I am so tired of this game he
seems to be playing. I am trying to
maintain my calm. I am trying to not be
aggressive back at him. It is so
hard.
May 29, 2014
Asked Adam
to transfer the weekly allowance.
I got mail
from the IRS and opened it. It says we
owe $21K but $10K was paid and the rest is due by June 23. I freaked out a bit and asked Adam if he knew
what was up. He said he is taking care
of it and to send it to him. Um, it has
both our names on it, I would like to be kept in the loop. I did call the IRS and got an
explanation.
May 30, 2014
Asked Adam
to transfer the allowance before 2pm. I
don’t understand why he doesn’t set up an auto transfer! I also made sure he was aware that the
checking account has be in overdraft three times now. These recent overdrafts were from the checks
I wrote to cover the sitting fees for CLEP/DANTES tests. I paid Adam the cash for those or left the
money in checking. He needs to make sure
that the bills he is paying from checking are covered by money he puts in
there and not money I leave in there.
Adam seemed mad that I opened the mail from
the IRS. It was addressed to both of
us. It just stated the balance and
payments for the tax loan. I told Adam I
would swing them by.
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