June ended with a bang

June 19, 2014

            I had to remind Adam to transfer the weekly allowance, again.  He let me know he is listing the the house he lives in with the realtor we used before, Judy.  He said it is too expensive and inconvenient.  He is looking at moving in my neighborhood.

June 20, 2014

            Littlest has his eye appointment today.  I asked Adam to let me know when they finish up.  I didn’t hear anything and got upset and kind of lectured him about not being courteous.  It turns out he did call me but because my phone service is iffy in the county I work the voicemail never arrived.  I apologized for jumping down his throat.  Then he texted that his number is different.  But he never gave it to me. 

            I also discovered that another child has lice.  Again.  I asked him to fully treat his home.  He sent me a how to video for treating lice.  Lovely.

June 23, 2014

            T-Mobile has a huge dead zone in covering my work area and I haven’t been able to use my phone on a regular basis.  In the building at work I have no service at all.  I asked around and everyone said ATT works great.  I told Adam I need to switch back to ATT.

            I also asked him to find out what his monthly premium for health insurance will be once I am removed.  That way we can decide who has the cheaper coverage and sign the kids up under that one.  I also need to know if he has a rider for the children on his life insurance.  I need to be signed up for the correct benefits in about two weeks. 

            Then he threw me a  “I asked T-Mobile to switch responsibility for your phone and your mom’s to you” wrench.  He said I also would get the debt for the remaining balance of the phones we purchased me (including the dead Galaxy). 

            He said now that I know my gross pay and once he finds out his gross from the university we can figure out the support.  The papers he filled out assumed I would make minimum wage (thanks for the vote of confidence) and me having 100% custody.  He said after that he would put the bills back under my control.  Didn't he say he was going to do that a couple months back? He wants us to be steady before making any more changes to the dissolution.  He wants to move closer to the kids so he can have more of a 50/50 schedule with them and be more involved with their school and social lives. 

            So he gets to declare what changes can happen and when?  Why can’t he be involved with the kids school lives now?  He works only 10-15 minutes away.  Plus, it isn’t like he was active when he lived with them. 

June 25, 2014

            I asked Adam if it is okay if littlest goes to the same PreK program #6 went to last year.  This will work nicely with my schedule.  Littlest will only need after school care and transportation.  Adam said that is great.  Then he said he found my memory stuff.  It was mixed in under his “military junk” in the army trunk.  He set it aside for me.  It will be nice to have those things back. 

June 26, 2014

            Had a co-parenting moment.  Ms. Middle Child said that Adam changed the rule about not sending pictures over texts.  I caught her sneaking onto FB late at night and had to remove her privileges.  I also took her phone away.  I let Adam know he can still contact Ms. Middle Child, it will just have to be through my phone.  He said he did not change the rule and he chose to also remove her access while at his house.  He thanked me for keeping him informed. 

            Adam took this calm conversation time and said he needs me to get papers back to his realtor, Judy, ASAP.  Followed by this list:

            “#1.) I have a call into HR about the cost of the employee + kids health insurance and the life insurance rider. I'll let you know right away when they get back with me. #2.) Previously you mentioned doing a two-week summer schedule. You can keep the kids for a second week this week, which will give me a chance to get my A/C working and finish lice treatment. I'll have them for Warped Tour (16 July) and you'll have them when I'm out of town (22 to 27 July). If you want to be able to use the community pool let me know and I'll let you borrow the key fob. #3.) Last Friday I called you from the new number so you'd have it, but if you didn't see it, here it is. #4.) Sorry if it sounds like I'm being pushy about the contract papers. I was hoping to have a photographer take pictures of the house already. I do need you to sign them as soon as you can because if we aren't able to get the house on the market now, I'm afraid we'll end up being landlords again until next summer. If you are not willing to let me sell the house, please let me know and we can discuss it. #5.) I think that's all. :)  “

            It’s nice that he wants to discuss things with me now but it would have been nicer when he first decided to sell.  I didn’t say that to him instead I texted:

            “1. I believe the difference between employee and employee/family for me is $233. If your plan is more expensive would you want me to cover the kids and you pay me the $233? 2. We already agreed to only do one week uninterrupted at a time so I will drop them off tomorrow night at the usual time. I wasn’t aware that you would be out of town July 22-27. I have plans for that weekend already. 3. I believe I told you that my phone never registered a call from you last week. This is the main reason I need to switch my service provider; I basically do not have a cell phone while at work. As long as I am in the office I have a work phone. I do appreciate you giving me the new number so if there is an emergency with a child I can contact you more immediately than a Facebook message allows. 4. I contacted my attorney to find out if I could sign the papers. Unfortunately, he has not had an open appointment to discuss the matter with me. I tried to contact Judy a couple times to let her know the reason for the delay but she never answered her phone.”

June 27, 2014

            It looks like it will be cheaper for Adam to carry the medical insurance for the children.  He looked up the coverage and it’s about $40 cheaper.  I asked him to just make sure the pediatrician is in network so we can keep the kids with the same provider. 

            I got a bit of a surprise from Adam.  I asked him to transfer my weekly allowance and he said, “You get a monthly allowance of 1700, not a weekly.  You’ve gotten 1700 this month.  I suggested he start giving me the monthly amount in a lump sum so I can properly budget.  How I understood the allowance he decided to give was that I got $200/wk for groceries, $100/wk for fuel, and $125/wk for incidentals.  I misunderstood.  He said, “No no no.  I gave you a written monthly budget.  You decided it was week-to-week, even after I told you a few times it was not. “ I responded “Fine.  I expect $1700 on July 1.”  He said to expect it all I want but he couldn’t do it and apparently I am to know that. 

Then we had a back and forth about him expecting me to feed the children without any money from him.  He said it was not his problem that I “blew through it.”  He added that I didn’t need to buy food for the kids because evidently he had the kids this week. 

            I got a bit nasty in my response.  I said shame on me for blowing my money on groceries, gas, and multiple lice treatment kits.  I added he only has the kids for the weekend not the week.  I pointed out that his text about another uninterrupted week sounded like his week would be July 16. 

            He responded with this:

            “You have an incredibly generous discretionary budget and all your bills are paid, I don't know what else to tell you. Also, no... I will have the kids for the full week like we agreed (and like you confirmed again last night). Since you said 'no' to the two-week schedule, I've since cancelled a trip to accommodate your plans for the weekend of the 25th. I will drop the kids back off with you on the 4th, and then receive them again the 11th. As far as the house, you can sign if you agree to selling it ... we're not in a court battle and I don't intend to be in one. I will be moving to your neighborhood in August and it would be great if we could return to getting along like normal people. I've extended a lot of cooperation and trust to you since you left your 'olive branch' note on my car (and even before that, like the day I was moving out). Unfortunately, you've seemed to go in and out of being really nasty to me, doing spiteful and rude things, constantly trying to get one over on me, and giving me silence when I ask questions or try to sincerely reach out. I don't understand your need to do that or to pick fights with me. I'm not stupid, and I know you back and forth. I am still the same generous and loving person I was when we were together and I'll still bend over backwards to help you or anyone that's not trying to battle with me, and you know it. Yes, it hurt me like hell that you loved someone else more than me and I had some very strong emotional jealous reactions to that (all the way since January). But now I'm past all that and I hope you would get past that too so we can move on to our new lives with happiness instead of misery. If you really desire a cooperative arrangement, then please choose to be cooperative.”

            I get that there was a misunderstanding about the parenting time.  I am trying to help him see that I do not agree and he is refusing to hear me.  The fact that our original agreement was for him to have the children on weekends means he is not accommodating me in any way.  I make plans for the weekends when I don’t have the children.  The “olive branch” I extended to him was ignored for nearly a week. And what the heck is he talking about when he says I am doing nasty things to him and being spiteful and rude?!