I could get use to this

June 10, 2014

            The oldest is not doing well in school.  She is on the verge of not being advanced to ninth grade.  Adam said I should help her out instead of letting her learn a lesson.  The problem is we have been helping her and she still skips her work.  He said if he had known weeks ago he would have helped her out.  It made me feel like he was saying I kept him out of the loop.  The vice principal only just let me in on the problem.  I’ve been checking the Progress Book site and have her do work that is missing.  It’s not like I am slacking.  But I am not going to hold her hand.  I will remind her and give her time to work.  She has to actually do the assignments.  I mentioned that she shouldn’t have gone to a friend’s house while with Adam since she knew she had work to do. Then Adam told me to be there for her and support her today and to tell her she is punished at his house.  I think he should be telling her these things.

            Then came littlest's well visit.  He is well except for some freckles on his head.  She’s referring him to a couple of specialists to make sure he doesn’t have a disorder.  I asked the pediatrician about discussing divorce things with the kids.  Her advice is to just ask them how they are doing and how things are at Adam’s home.  She said I am the mom and nothing is off limits.  If I have a concern he is drinking too much while he has them then I ask the kids.  She said don’t ask leading questions and make sure the kids know the door is wide open for communication: the same way we do sex talk stuff. 

            Adam agreed and said he has already been doing this.  He also said he doesn’t think  slipping grades is related to the divorce because it has always been a problem.  He thinks maybe it is just because we aren’t a focused team effort.

            Then we talked a bit about the kids.  It was nice to have a normal conversation.  I mentioned a progress book like site for the middle and high schoolers that the lady at  registration told me about.  She said Adam is signed up for it and asked if I had access.  Nope.  Adam doesn’t know the password for his account either.  I have my own and he can set his up. 

            I let Adam know there is a thing at the STEM tonight.  I figured one of the kids would have told him or he would have gotten the many emails the school sent out but he didn’t know.  He was able to come and took the tour of her class project.

            I had a “questions, comments, concerns” conversation with the kids.  I know they hate these but it is the best way I know to make sure they communicate with me.  They brought up liking having Adam come for dinner in the middle of the week.  They all voted that Tuesdays are best.  They want him to come over so he can see the dog.  I told them I would let Adam know and see if he would like to have dinner here with them on a weekly basis.  I figure I can cook a meal and disappear out of the house for a few hours no problem.  Adam said he would need to think about it because when he has come over before it was a “sucker punch” when he left.  It’s a shame he has to think about seeing his kids.  But that’s just my opinion.  I don’t want to make this “good” conversation day bad so I will keep that bit to myself.

June 11, 2014

            I invited him to come over to see littlest for his 4th birthday.  I said I would do birthday stuff during the day and Adam could have the evening.  I asked if he wanted to have dinner with the kids but he didn’t say.  He plans to only stay1-2 hours. 

June 12, 2014

            I hit a brick wall at the library.  One of the kids put a book on hold and I was going to pick it up for her.  I couldn’t because she doesn’t have her card and Adam only put his name on her account.  I asked him to pick it up for her.  He said he could do it.  Good, she’s been waiting a while for it to arrive. 

            I let Adam know how the birthday went and sent him a couple pics.  He asked if I still have the tent and fishing poles.  He wants to take the kids camping this weekend and needs the stuff plus the sleeping bags.  I said I would bring what I could find. 

            Then we switched info about kid doctor and eye appointments.  Adam wants to know if he should just keep the kids for an uninterrupted week.  I only need him to take them to a couple appointments but he can get his week if he wants it.  No response from him. 

            I did our birthday celebration and was ready to leave by the time Adam came.  He didn’t stay very long.  But yay for a conversation that didn’t include attacking me!

June 13, 2014

            Mr. 4 year old loves the scooter Adam got him for his birthday.  I made sure to text Adam a picture of it being used.

            I asked Adam to transfer my allowance, again.  He said he wishes I would take two weeks at a time.  He said Fridays are super busy. I told him to set up an auto transfer but if he wanted to manually transfer two weeks at a time, fine.  He said he could do that but needed my account info to set up the transfer because he doesn’t want to use the joint account anymore.  I told him I would prefer to not give him that info.  Then I suggested a check.  Five minutes into the conversation he had the money transferred.  He is too busy to remember to do that each week? 

            He said he wants to close the joint account because USAA still defaults to that account to pay bills and he wants it to stop.  He has over drafted and doesn’t want to pay any more fees.  That’s nice.  He can give me a check then.  I am not giving him access to my account.

            Then I took littlest to the neuro. appointment.  It went well.  We will need to watch the moles he has but it is looking like he does not have Neurofibromatosis.  The eye appointment Adam is taking him to will be the final say. 

            I sent a father’s day gift with the kids.  They better remember to give it to him! I would hate for him to feel like I did on mother’s day. 

June 14, 2014

            Another text conversation with Adam.  One of the kids asked me (over text) if they were staying all week.  I didn’t think so because Adam never responded when I asked.  I let him know if he wanted to keep them for his uninterrupted week that it was fine.  

I had received a text from Billy asking for white undershirts.  I suggested Adam take care of that.  It is interesting that the kids ask me for things they need and not him- even when they are at his house. Adam did finally respond that he would keep them all week.  I wish he had let me know before I dropped them off.  I would have packed more things for them and given them extra hugs. 

June 16, 2014

            First Monday without the kids and first day of work.  It went okay.  Adam let me know the kids are fine.  He hopes I am enjoying quiet time.