June 18, 2014
I just got
a message that Adam wants to “be friends” on Facebook again. I didn’t respond quickly enough and he seems
upset. He said I was his best friend the
majority of his life and that it still meant a lot to him. He said it was important to him that we play
nice since we are the important people in the kids’ lives. He said it was my choice but he was to the
point emotionally where he thought we could share life experiences and talk
without having huge blowouts.
He plans to
drop the kids off on Friday and pick them up the following Friday. I miss them so much! I tried to positively reframe him having them
for a full week. I thought it is my
first week working and it will be nice to not have the chaos of children when I
get home. But I was wrong. After listening to stories of kids being
abused I just want to take care of my children.
I want to hold them and know they are okay. That’s not to say I think
Adam is hurting them, but I need to see them and know they are whole.
Adam has
changed his mind about Gary being allowed around the children. This stinks.
He said they can be introduced but Gary is not to be in the house at
night when the kids are here and he never wants them around him unsupervised. He said every therapist, lawyer and other
person he talks to has said he needs to draw a firm boundary with me on this
and asked me to respect his wishes.
I respect
his wishes as the childrens’ father. I
asked him to clarify “at night” since in the summer night happens at 10 pm and
winter closer to 5pm. Or does he mean
Gary cannot sleep over. Then he said he
doesn’t want Gary spending time around the children, I guess at all, which is
contradictory to him saying they can meet.
He said meeting is not the same as spending time with.
This new
rule is a shame. Gary’s kids and our
kids were all set to meet each other next week.
Gary and I had a fun meet up planned.
I asked
that Adam follow the same rule when it comes to his girlfriends. He said his request did not extend to all the
men I date (cause I date a lot, oh wait no I don’t) only to Gary. I said I understand but I also
think it is a good rule in general, thus the reason Gary and I agreed to wait 6 months before introducing each other to children. I think the rule is a
good safety net for the kids no matter who we are each dating. He never replied.
I do
understand Adam’s concern about having a man he doesn't know around the children. But he is
forgetting a few things. Gary is not a pedophile. He has never preyed on children. Then there is me. I am a loving parent that doesn’t want to put
my children in danger. I am not going to
leave them with anyone until I fully trust that person. I trust Gary. I trust Gary more than I trust Adam. Adam after all had nonconsensual sex with his
wife: it just so happens he talked his
way out of that.
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