Buying a house are we?

August 19, 2014

            Today was a particularly difficult day at work.  One of the final calls of the day was from a woman trying to get custody of her daughter.  The dad had recently kicked the mom out of the home because he had a new girlfriend.  Mom said the relationship was verbally and emotionally abusive and two weeks prior she had got on the waiting list at the domestic violence shelter.  She had a lawyer and asked the judge for an ex parte on behalf of her daughter (dad was physically abusive), it was denied.  This mother was crying and pleading with me to help her help her daughter.  On one hand I was trying to calm her and not cry with her.  On the other, I was freaking out inside thinking how similar our stories were. 

            I received an interesting bit on email and mail to end out my day.  The email was from Adam’s realtor.  I guess Adam is going to try to close on a house this Friday.  I’m not sure if this goes against the financial restraining order or not. 

            “Hi Adam. I spoke with the title company; they indicated they have everything ready from the lender and have provided a preliminary settlement document to the lender. However, there has not been any mention of copies to Heather. Could you please let me know how I can get this accomplished seeing the seller is becoming very anxious that we might not be able to close this Friday?

Heather: What kind of time frame are do you need and how can I communicate directly to you and/or your attorney so we can get this moving? I will also need to schedule your time to meet with the title company to acknowledge this purchase since you are still married.  Appreciate your communication for what action I need to take.

Patrick: The Title Company indicated they sent to you the necessary pre-close documents on August 5, can you indicate what the hold up is and to why the title company was not instructed to continue?

I am getting very concerned that everyone is not on the same page with this purchase, particularly the selling agent and her continued explanation to the seller (who will be signing out of town).

Look forward to responses from all parties; appreciate getting this where it needs to be.  Thanks,

 Realtors

            I had no knowledge of this closing date.  The only paper Adam has told me to sign was the one waiving my right to the property should he close prior to the dissolution/divorce. 

            Then in the mail I got a bill from the eye doctor littlest saw a little bit ago.  Adam took him to that appointment but didn’t pay the co-pay.  The week prior to that appointment, I took littlest to the neurologist and paid that co-pay.  I’ll make sure to give Adam this bill on Friday.

August 20, 2014

            Rough start to the day.  Littlest started school and I realized I was leaving my little guy with strangers and I wouldn’t be the first person he saw at the end of his day.  Being a working parent is not fun on days like this.  I miss the old way.

            Rough start got better when I got to work and saw Adam had responded to my request for work info for the school emergency forms.  Too bad he waited until the evening on Tuesday to send it all to my work email.  Oh well, at least he sent it.

            Rough start ramped it up when Adam emailed me again with this beauty:

            "I will be out of town the weekend of Aug 29th. I had the title company send the title paperwork to your attorney to review. Closing is on this Friday, but you can sign your acknowledgement parts before then. I will cover all of the kids' startup school fees in return."

            I cannot believe he is refusing to provide for the children unless I sign the papers.  That was my tipping point this morning and I cried at work.  I immediately called the therapist to set up an appointment with him.  I think I need a mental wellness check up.  I also called the paralegal as soon as their office opened.  She said, “Oh are we blackmailing now?”  I guess so.  She wasn’t sure if Adam would be in contempt if he closes on the house on Friday so she is going to have the lawyer call me.  I also talked to a person at work that was a paralegal.  She said to make sure I document this in my journal so I am! 

            The lawyer said I could respond to Adam like this: “Please send all information through your lawyer to my lawyer.”  He also said there are a few things we need to know about this home buying and to ask the realtor.  What is the purchase agreement?  Is he selling the house he is living in?  So I did.

            She wasn’t able to give me the agreement but asked Adam to, he did.  It looks like he plans to put nearly $5k as a down payment.  Closing is set for Friday.  He signed a contract with the realtor to lease the other house.  Oye.  My head is spinning. 

August 21, 2014

            The realtor contacted me today.  I called and told her that to my knowledge my lawyer has not received the paperwork.  She offered to call him.  I told her I didn’t know if he would advise me to sign and that leaving me out of the loop until a couple days before closing probably wasn’t wise.  She said I should want him to close and move out fast so the money he makes from leasing the other house can be included as his income.  I am aware that his income amount would go up but that doesn’t mean I will sign.  

            As I was closing up my computer tonight I noticed a new email from the realtor

            “Hi Heather, do you have any word yet about your signing of the documents any time on Friday? Adam, the selling agent and I will be meeting at The Title Company on Friday at 10:00 a.m.  We can arrange for you to meet later in the day at the same location to allow this purchase to continue. So, please keep me informed; surely your attorney can carve out some time to get this resolved and later present it as a line item issue for your divorce proceedings.  

Thanks Much,

 Realtors

            I want to know what happens if I don’t sign.  And surely, my lawyer is busy and carving out time for someone else’s client is not his problem. 

August 22, 2014

            A couple of emails were sent around concerning the closing.  Adam’s lawyer sent a proposal first.  Adam has about $8,000 that he earned from some contract work.  He is offering half of it to me if I sign.  My lawyer said it is a decent offer.  I called my lawyer and told him that I cannot have the man that raped me and has been verbally and emotionally abusive living a tenth of a mile from me.  I drive by that house twice a day.  I take walks or go for jogs down that street.  If me not signing forces a boundary that Adam has no choice but to respect then so be it. I take a stand now. I don’t cry easily but this had me going.  I am finally willing and able to stand up for myself but it scares me so much.  I don’t know how Adam will respond.  I don’t know how he will punish me for not giving him what he wants. 

            I asked my lawyer if the judge that will oversee the divorce would look down on me not signing, would it send a message that I am uncooperative or vindictive.  He said no. 

            Adam’s lawyer sent another email.  The lawyer was wrong about how much Adam anticipated putting down on the house. Adam is putting about $5,200 down.  He is not offering $4,000 for me to sign but $2,600.  My lawyer said it is totally my choice to accept or reject that proposal.  I told him it is not about the money, it is about me feeling safe.  I reject the proposal. 

            When I got out of work and had driven far enough to have service on my phone, I received a text that Adam sent at 1:29 pm.  He knows I don’t have service and he needs to email me so this is a bit irritating.  I am guessing he sent the text when he was giving the word that I wasn’t signing at the closing at 1:30 pm.  The text was simple and went something like this: “I’m not sure what you stand to gain by not signing at closing, but like you stealing the kids from my house, this changes everything.” Am I to take that as a threat?  Harassment? 

August 25, 2014

             I had a voice message from a guy named Marcus from Adam's employer.  He thought he was calling Adam.  I called him back to give him the phone number Adam gave me.  I asked Marcus if he would mind telling me what Adam’s last day of work was.  He was more than happy to tell me that Adam’s last day was August 22.  He said if I needed any other information to not hesitate calling. 

August 28, 2014

            Littlest is not having an easy time with all these transitions.  First, Adam moved out.  Then I got a job.  Now, littlest is in school.  It’s difficult for him and it is showing.  This morning he came to my bed at 4am.  I cuddled him until it was time to wake up.  Pretty much as soon as he got up he was crying.  He didn’t’ t want to go to school.  He wanted to stay home with me.  He said, “I want you, Mommy,” more times than a mommy can take.  It took everything in me to not cry with him.  I drove him to school and he still cried.  This wasn’t a tantrum type of cry, it was a sad cry. It broke my heart to hand him off to his teacher.  Then I remember that I had the parenting class after work, which meant not getting to see him until tomorrow morning. 

            I texted Adam shortly before 7am.  I let him know littlest was having a hard time.  I thought if Adam could pick littlest up at the end of school, that little visit would be good.  Adam emailed me around 10am.  He wasn’t going to be able to pick littlest up because he taught class at 3:30pm.  Littlest gets out at 2pm, a short drive with Adam would be beneficial.  Adam might have gone for it except he didn’t have a car seat.  I texted him early enough that Adam could have planned and brought a car seat with him to work.  I didn’t say that to him, I just thought it.  Then I had another thought, shouldn’t he have a car seat in his car at all times in case of an emergency?  Just because the kids don’t live with him during the week doesn’t mean he isn’t still a parent 24/7; he could be called on at anytime in an emergency.  It isn’t my place to tell him that.  He gets to decide when and how to be a father.

            I did find out that Adam called the kids after school.  I was so happy to find out he was stepping up and contacting them during the week.  I think this was the fourth or fifth time in five months that he has called to talk to the little kids.  I was impressed with him for realizing littlest was struggling and even though Adam couldn’t be there in person for his child he could call.  Then Ms. Middle Child told me she contacted Adam and told him to call.  I am proud of her.  I am proud of her for sympathizing with littlest and having enough insight to know he needed to talk to his daddy.  I am really proud of her for jumping to action.  I might not be able to tell Adam how to be a father but his children sure can! I thanked  Ms. Middle Child for helping littlest and left my editorials about Adam to myself.