More money stuff

October 16, 2014

Since mediation is confidential I’m not going to discuss it beyond how unfair this process feels.  I’m not in a good spot right now.  I can’t see a positive in any of this for me. 

Mom took Little Girl to a neurology appointment to check on that head injury she got at Adam’s house about a month ago.  The doctor asked that we keep a headache, dizzy, hearing voices, seeing things diary.  We are not to ask if any of that is going on.  He said to just make it clear to Little Girl that she needs to tell us if anything is happening.  I talked to her about it tonight.  I asked when she hears voices and she said it happens when she is at school and no one is in the room or the pod.  She said she hears a low voice.  I’m thinking there is no way the entire pod is empty leaving a small second grader by herself.  She probably thinks everyone is gone but someone is nearby and she is only catching the voices.  She said this happened a month ago.  I’m thinking this is just a little girl with an active imagination.  I hope.

October 18, 2014

The mediator suggested Adam and I try to come to a compromise.  I tried. 

“Adam,

I would like if we continued the negotiation process.  I agree with you that settling things sooner and without the court is best for the children.  I've been thinking a lot since leaving mediation.  I've come up with a few proposals but I have a couple questions, too.  If you are willing to continue here is where I am at:

1. What is the amount of child support you are willing to pay while paying down debt?  What is the amount of spousal support you are willing to pay while paying down debt?

2. For parenting time, what if we did the Standard Order schedule but made every other one of your weekends an extended weekend?  You would get the kids Friday at 6pm but instead of bringing them back Sunday at 6pm you would have them until Monday start of school.  On holidays/no-school days falling on an extended weekend you would keep the children until Monday at 6pm, and if Friday were to be a day off school you would start your time with them in the morning at 9am (or earlier if you want).  This allows each of us to have weekend time with the children and maintains a fairly steady schedule for the children.  

3. For taxes, instead of you claiming all the children one year then me claiming them all the next, we each claim half thus allowing us each to always be "head of household." "Head of household" is better than filing single for each of us.  You would always get the "extra child" since your income is higher and you would benefit from the additional tax credit.  Example: this year you would get the four oldest; I would get the three youngest.  When The Oldest became too old to claim, we each would have three children to claim, the following year, when Oldest Son aged out, I would stop claiming Little Girl and you would start.  Does that make sense?”

He responded that he would give the offers serious thought and get back to me tomorrow night.  I’m happy that he’s open to this idea of continuing the negotiations. 

October 19, 2014

Well, his response was not quite what I expected.  He is still focusing on how things make his life harder.  I don’t think he has for one moment considered how difficult things in this home have been. 

“Heather, 

For question 1, I've attached a proposal with my analysis of what's required to equalize the houses and keep us both out of bankruptcy. Please consider it carefully. It still requires me to take a second job and sell my car, but it doesn't force you to take a second job, and doesn't force us to go into foreclosure or bankruptcy.

For point 2, I am willing to work with this schedule. 

For point 3, I am willing to work with you on this as well.

If you have any questions please contact me. 

Thank you, 

Adam

The current status put into place with the temporary orders is not feasible. Currently, it requires Adam to pay $2356 in child support and $1284 in Spouse Support. This creates a large deficit in one home and a surplus in the other. This makes shared parenting impossible since one parent will no longer be able to maintain a home suitable for a large family.

Heather's Monthly Expenses
	Credits	Debits	Balance	Cumulative Costs
Pay (est)	1800		1800
Alimony	1284		3084
Child Supt	2056		5140
Mortgage		1284	3856
Electric		180	3676
Water		200	3476
Garbage		20	3456
Vectren		350	3106
Insurance		90	3016
Internet		50	2966
Phone		182	2784	2356
Gas		400	2384
Groceries		800	1584	3556
Debts (est)		300	1284	3856
Remaining Balance			1284

Adam's Monthly Status
	Credits	Debits	Balance	Cumulative Costs
Pay	5515.87		5515.87
Mortgage		1577.94	3937.93
Insurance		90	3847.93
Electric		103.32	3744.61
Water		101.21	3643.4
Vectren		39.11	3604.29
Garbage		20	3584.29	Keep my home	Lose my home
Internet		51.41	3532.88	Bills
Phone		40	3492.88	2022.99	1295.05
Gas		350	3142.88	Maintenance
Groceries		600	2542.88	2972.99	2245.05
SS/CS (temp)		3340	-797.12	6312.99	4735.05
Car pymt		374.59	-1171.71	6687.58	5109.64
Credit card		550	-1721.71
Taxes		300	-2021.71	Debts
Employer payback		416	-2437.71	7953.58	7225.64
Remaining Balance			-2437.71

Proposal:

Make it possible to equalize both homes by adjusting the child support to $215 per child per month ($1505), and $800 per month in spousal support. This provides $2305 in income to Heather which pays for the mortgage and all bills in Heather’s home in its current state. It requires Adam to take a second job and sell his car, gives Adam a smaller budget for food, gas, and utilities, but will prevent both parties from being forced into bankruptcy. It makes it feasible for both parties to pay their debts responsibly.

Heather's Proposed Monthly Status
	Credits	Debits	Balance	Cumulative Costs
Pay (est)	1800		1800
Alimony	800		2600
Child Supt	1505		4105
Mortgage		1284	2821
Electric		180	2641
Water		200	2441
Garbage		20	2421
Vectren		350	2071
Insurance		90	1981
Internet		50	1931	Bills
Phone		182	1749	2356
Gas		400	1349	Maintenance
Groceries		800	549	3556
Debts (est)		300	249	Debts       3856
Remaining balance			249

Adam’s Proposed Monthly Status
	Credits	Debits	Balance	Cumulative Costs
Pay	5515.87		5515.87
Mortgage		1577.94	3937.93
Insurance		90	3847.93
Electric		103.32	3744.61
Water		101.21	3643.4
Vectren		39.11	3604.29
Garbage		20	3584.29	Keep house	Lose house
Internet		51.41	3532.88	Bills
Phone		40	3492.88	2022.99	1295.05
Gas		350	3142.88	Maintenance
Groceries		600	2542.88	2972.99	2245.05
SS/CS (temp)		2305	237.88	5277.99	3700.05
Car payment		374.59	-136.71	5652.58	4074.64
Credit card		550	-686.71
Taxes		300	-986.71	Debts
Employer payback		416	-1402.71	6918.58	6190.64
Balance			-1402.71

Heather’s estimated monthly take-home pay is calculated from adp.com

He does not know my budgeting needs nor does he know my take home pay. 

October 21, 2014

We had pre-trial today.  The attorney informed me that the judge would be setting spousal support somewhere between $1200 and $1300.  Knowing this is important because it allows me to have a starting mark for replying to Adam’s suggested $800.  I sent him the following:

“I’m not sure what your attorney said to you after the pretrial but here’s what I was told and advised:  The judge said he will be awarding spousal support between $1200-1300.  The court will calculate the child support after the spousal support is decided upon. So, we have just the one item left to settle to make this an uncontested divorce.  After reviewing my budget I am willing to accept $1200 for spousal support.”